


motherland

by orphan_account



Series: all delighted people [1]
Category: Marvel
Genre: Character Study, Forced Abortion, Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Introspection, Miscarriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-03-05 08:03:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18824551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: this is everything you are, this thing they made youwhen they tear out your guts it reminds you that you aren't human, not to themyou grit your teeth and cradle your stomach, because even if you've lost the one thing that makes you feelhumanyou aren't going to give them the satisfaction(natalia romanov has been dealt a nasty lot in life. she makes do.)





	motherland

you're twelve when you first feel it. some stirring in your gut. you're good at what you do but you hate doing it, as much as you are permitted to hate. 

he brings you to his bedroom at night and you see the way the other girls watch you with jealousy. oh, they wouldn't be jealous if they knew. 

you're twelve and you're kneeling over a toilet, vomiting. and despite their jealousy the other girls shield you from them, they draw attention to themselves and away from you and you cry into their hair and shoulders at night.

your stomach begins to soften, and you hide that, too, with bigger clothes the older girls lend to you. but you can only hide it so long. 

the first day you feel a kick, a little flutter against your hand, is the day they drag you away, screaming, thrashing. 

you wake, your stomach again empty, a thick scar across it, and you curl up tightly and press a hand to the emptiness. the one thing that you had ever truly loved, and it was gone. 

\--

you're twenty when you manage to get out of that place. eight years after and the loss still stings, you still press your palm to your stomach and expect to feel a flutter. you never do. 

you're twenty-five when you meet him, with your eyes big and scared. he's everything you expect out of men, big and scary and threatening, but he speaks to you softly, gently touches your arm. 

he makes you warm. but you don't love him, not like that. the first time you try to touch him that way he pulls your hands away and says your name so soft and you cry for the first time since the loss.

he becomes your steadfast protector and you his loyal widow. you love him. he loves you. 

sometimes you wish things had been different but you know if they had you wouldn't have him, so you accept that things have to happen sometimes. it doesn't stop you from hoping to feel the flutter.


End file.
